Press Forward

Do you ever feel overwhelmed with life? I sure do. After so much happens in your life, how do you find a new normal? The simple, but frustrating answer, TIME and PATIENCE. Two things I have a love-hate relationship with.

I've always struggled with patience. If things weren't happening fast enough for me, I'd figure out a way to speed up the process. My dad told me once that I often created opportunities for myself when one didn't seem to be available, and it frequently wore him out. I'm annoyingly impatient when I want to know something. I like to have a plan for myself. Unfortunately, or maybe not so unfortunately, my plans are NEVER the Lord's plans. I definitely don't understand the Lord's path for me when it's slowly placed brick by brick. I don't have the benefit of the yellow brick road that I can see forever and know exactly where I'm going. I live by what I call "Blind Faith". Let me explain, because I'm pretty sure my definition will be different than most people.

My life is a prime example of not being able to see the full path ahead. It's like I have a candle in my hand and all I can see in front of me is maybe half a step. I call it "Blind Faith" because I have faith that the Lord will lead me where I need to go and won't let me stray off the path as long as I am doing my part, however, I can't see the step I'm about to take. I'm blind to where my foot will land half the time, but I try to have the faith to take that step anyways. Sometimes I feel like the Lord has to push me a little to take that step, but whether I'm completely ready or not, that step happens. Hind site is 20/20 though. Look back at your experiences and you'll start to see where the Lord has brought you, why He brought you there, what you have learned and how you have grown. Patience I believe is one of my life-long trials that I will continually be learning.

Time is an interesting thing. If you consider you have 24 hours in a day, how do you divide that up? How do you spend your time? On average we sleep 6 to 10 hours of each day. If you have a full-time job, you are working 8 to 9 hours of that day. Where does family come in? Hobbies? Education? Religion? Do you spend your spare time gaming? Facebooking? Do you even interact with others? Or is your face and hands glued to some gadget like a phone or an iPad? We will be accountable for every minute we spend, how will your report card in heaven look? Will you be able to say you spent your time developing your talents and serving others? How many memories will you have to look back on with your family? Both my husband and my father were taken from this life very suddenly and very unexpectedly. I'd give anything to have more time with both of them on this earth because I miss them desperately, but I know this was God's will and I will have eternity to be with them again.

My dad is a perfect example of someone who used his time wisely. He lived just over 60 years. In that 60 years he graduated with a BS degree from BYU, got married, raised a family of 4, helped pay for piano lessons, vocal lessons, dance lessons, etc to develop his children's talents. He took his family on vacations, spent time serving others and working to cultivate a beautiful garden, he taught his kids how to work hard, how to finish a job, and how to offer their time serving others as well. He taught us how to treat our mother and how to love others, he was my ultimate example of a patient individual. His family came first before work. There was no question to if he loved each child and my mom. We knew he did. His time was shorter than most on this earth, but he used it wisely. I hope I can say as much for myself when I have to answer for my time.

I've struggled a lot lately with emotions and wanting to take that next step forward on the path. It's true that after someone passes that is close to you, everyone else can go on with their life, things go back to normal for them. However, for the people most intimately effected by the change or loss, normal is gone. A new normal has to be developed. How do you find that normal? I think the answer will be different for each person. But there is one similarity, a path must be chosen. Some will chose the path of least resistance. They sit and wait for life to act upon them because they feel discouraged and give up or don't know where to start rebuilding. Others wake up each day, face the world, and set goals to achieve. I can promise you that choosing to act, instead of choosing to be acted upon, will yield far better results and lead to happiness faster. If you aim for nothing, you WILL hit it.

I've been reading a book for work and there is a quote in it that I thought was very fitting:

"When we begin with the end in mind, we have a personal direction to guide our daily activities, without which we will accomplish little toward our own goals. Beginning with the end in mind is part of the process of personal leadership."

~ Stephen Covey ~

After my husband passed away, I decided it was time to learn a new instrument, so I am attempting to learn the cello. It's going slower than I originally planned, as my life took another turn in crazy when my dad passed away. It's a release. Since my dad passed away, I've started gardening, mainly out of necessity, but I'm finding I really enjoy it. I'm also looking at getting a Master's degree. My "end in mind" is a new normal that I can be happy with, that will help develop my skills and make me a better instrument in the Lord's hands. An end that will make both my husband and my dad proud! An end that will eventually lead me back to my Heavenly Father's presence!

FIND AN END IN MIND & REACH FOR IT!

Little Miracles

Life is full of little miracles, also known as tender mercies. If you look at your day, I'm sure you will find something that could be considered a miracle. Here are just a few little miracles that I have noticed since the passing of my father just one week ago.

Miracle #1 - My father loved to garden, so our yard is full of flowers. A few days ago as I was walking out to get the mail, I noticed a large butterfly flying around the flower bed and landing on the newly opened lilies. The butterfly was beautiful, with bright yellows and a hint of blue at the tip of its wings. I ran inside to get my camera, expecting the butterfly to be gone by the time I got back out. Much to my surprise the butterfly was still there, and held still long enough on a lily for me to snap a picture. I considered this a miracle of life and beauty. It was like a little gift from the Lord reminding me that there are beautiful things in this world still and my dad would want me to enjoy them.



Miracle #2 - Do you ever wonder if you are like someone? Most kids seem to dread becoming like their parents. I must be the exception to that rule. I would consider it a compliment to be like either of them and to be compared to them. One thing I always wanted was to have a green thumb like my dad. Generally speaking, I kill plants. For the last 3 weeks I have successfully kept all of my dad's house plants alive! I am now also taking a bigger part in keeping up the yard and have managed to not kill the grass yet, even though the sprinkler system is out of commission in the front yard. I guess I'm slowly getting that green thumb.

My dad loved to back in to parking spaces and the driveway. He always said it made it easier to get out, especially when there was a crowd. My dad helped teach me how to drive so I guess I've picked up some of his abilities. Last week I had to pull my dad's truck in to make more parking space available. In true "dad-fashion" I backed the truck out of the driveway and reversed it onto the gravel. I had another "dad" moment tonight at the fireworks show. My mom was so confused at what I was doing until I had finished parking the car and exclaimed how proud dad would be of me for parking like him. It's such a simple thing, but I love that I'm recognizing pieces of my dad that are still alive in me. My husband always said I was a Daddy's Girl. I think he just might have been right.

Miracle #3 - I consider this the biggest miracle of the week! My in-laws brought me back a beautiful silver bracelet from Greece. I wear that bracelet all the time and I am always very careful to put it back in my jewelry box. I went to put it on this last Sunday for church and was dismayed to find it missing. I searched my whole room for this bracelet, but had no luck. I looked more after church. I checked every possible location: the kitchen counter, the bathroom drawers, my car, under couches and cushions, in blankets, dirty clothes, laundry baskets, etc. I had no luck. It was close to 11 p.m. and I still had not found the bracelet. I was talking to my mom and started crying. I know it was just a thing, and in the long run it didn't matter. But for some reason in my mind, I just couldn't handle losing one more thing. I was ready to give up and was frustrated because I knew if my dad was here, he would be able to find it. I said a prayer explaining to the Lord why finding the bracelet meant so much to me, how I had looked everywhere but hadn't found it, how I knew it was a silly thing to be worried about, but asked if He would please just help me find it. I finished the prayer and sat there for a minute. Then I got up and started searching all the same places again. I went back down to sift through the dirty clothes when I had an idea to check under the washing machine. Not having anywhere else to look, I moved the rug and got down on my hands and knees and put my head to the floor. Sure enough, there was my bracelet, just barely under the washing machine tucked out of sight. I started crying the minute I found it.

What a relief to know that the Lord hears and answers prayers! The answers may not always come when we want them, but He hears them. The Lord knew where my bracelet was. Was it a big deal to find it? No, not in the eternal scheme of things. But for a girl who had lost her husband and her father and wasn't sure if she mattered to the Lord, it was more than just an answer to my simple prayer for help finding jewelry. It was a testimony to me that I am heard, that the Lord cares about me and cares about things that matter to me, no matter how trivial. What a relief to have a loving Heavenly Father who is looking out for me!

Some call it Chance or Luck. Some call it Tender Mercies. Some call it Miracles. Whatever you choose to call it, it all leads back to the Lord.

"Yea, I know that I am nothing; as to my strength I am weak; therefore I will not boast of myself, but I will boast of my God, for in his strength I can do all things; yea, behold, many mighty miracles we have wrought in this land, for which we will praise his name forever." ~Alma 26:12